Mother’s Day

I have a friend of mine that sends out a reality check each Mother’s Day. He admonishes us all by saying that, “if you have a wonderful mother in your life, be thankful and celebrate her. But not every mother is great, or even adequate. Don’t cheapen the meaning of motherhood by blindly praising all mothers today. Not all of them deserve it”. Some may say that it is a bit harsh or uncomfortable, but there are many who feel grateful that someone expresses what they are feeling. Each time I see his message it serves as a reminder for me to think of those in that position and not take blessings for granted. It also makes me marvel and be thankful for what an unusual blessing I have been given.

I am not unique in the fact that my family is a blended family. There are millions of people that fall into that category. I do believe that the number is MUCH smaller that can sincerely say how blessed they are to be able to say that is the case and I just wanted to share a little of my story.

Growing up we were a typical family in suburban Atlanta, Georgia. We had a father, mother, and since we found it difficult to have 2.4 children, we opted to round up to three. (As the third-born, I am grateful that my parents were fans of rounding up). As we grew up we had plenty of friends in the neighborhood, at school, and at church. It was fairly Waltons-esque. My mom was smart, loving, and kind. And as is often the case, as the baby of the family, I gravitated heavily toward her and always sought for her approval. It was great. But, in the mid-1980’s she was diagnosed with breast cancer. As I have thought about it over time, I can’t ever think of a time where everything she was dealing with ever took away from the love or joy that I found at home in those formative years. Through it all, she always persevered to give us all she could. As is the story for many though, my mom (after beating it back twice) was unable to fully beat the cancer and passed away. She was a wonderful mom and I am thankful for every day I had with her.

As a middle-schooler who lost his mom, my emotions often vacillated greatly as you might expect. There were times where I just wanted a taste of what we had before, and I was truly blessed to get those tastes when I really needed it from my best friend’s mom. I don’t remember being more calm and comfortable in the year following my mom’s passing than when I would stay over at the Davis’ house. The love that I felt there was comparable to the love I felt at home. What’s fun is that the feeling still exists in that house even now. A couple of years ago I was able to spend a few days with my wife and kids at the Davis home in Peachtree City and it was as warm and inviting as ever. Just as I always felt like a son there, my kids immediately felt like grand-kids there. And if that were the end of the story, I would still consider myself to have been given quite a lot, but that was far from the end. 

After being blessed with one wonderful mom, it would seem greedy to hope to end up with two, but that’s exactly what I have been given. I never anticipated that the loss of a parent would end up resulting in getting to be a whole family again and ending up with two more brothers to boot! And let me tell you, joining a family that had the 14 year old version of me (whom, if I ever had the Star Trek moment with young Spock meeting old Spock, I would likely DiNozzo-slap for just being a punk at times) was FAR from an easy task, but she took it on with all she had and gave me unconditional love as though I had always been in her life. Those that know me best can tell you that I definitely inherited aspects of my personality from both of my mothers and I believe that fact has helped me immensely become who I am today. She guided me through difficult times as a teenager and as I was just starting to figure things out in my twenties, all the way to now where she still is always willing to listen and be a sounding board for me and also my wife and is a fantastic, loving Grandma. I am amazingly blessed.

Of course, that’s still not the end. When I was still at an age where most people are barely figuring out if they wanted to get that tattoo their dad never would let them get when they lived at home, I decided that I should marry a teenager before she knew any better! As is often the case, I’m sure we would both say that we didn’t know what all we were getting ourselves into, but I knew that she was who I wanted to go through the craziness of life with. One thing that I knew about her without a doubt was that she really had a deep desire to be a mom and to work hard to be a really good mom. I loved (and still love) that about her. Of course, things don’t always come easy and despite a strong desire to be that mother, we struggled to conceive for a few years. Once we finally did, the joy that it brought to her was visible to anyone who looked at her.  And then shortly after the birth of our first child we found ourselves going through what you wouldn’t ever wish on any parent. At 2 1/2 months old our daughter had to have a very significant surgery and spent a week in the hospital afterward. The faith, the strength, and the love that I saw in my wife that week was spectacular. I was truly blown away.  And now, after over 12 years of marriage, with two children who are thriving as they begin their school years, and a third, wonderful blessing due to join us in July, I sit back and can confidently say that I could not ask for anyone better to be the mother of my children or a better partner to go through life with. The blessings are hard to comprehend.

And I would be remiss if I also didn’t mention (as if having the four wonderful women I’ve already talked about weren’t enough) that while I comprehend the less than wonderful experiences many guys have with their mother-in-law, I can say that I have no first-hand knowledge of it at all. My Mother-in-Law is everything you could hope for in a mother-in-law. The love that I have always felt, the love that she has for her grandchildren, the warmth with which I have always been welcomed, the fun times, her absolute passion for family… well, I couldn’t come up with a good sentence structure to tie that all together, so I will just say that all of those things are just a small glimpse into why she’s as wonderful of a mother-in-law as there is.

So as I sit here at home in my chair, watching another Royals loss (stupid Yankees) while my wife and children are napping, I simply want to thank God for the blessings of all of the amazing women who are, or have been a part of my life. Great mothers are a truly wonderful treasure and I want to heed an astrophysicist’s advice and celebrate them.

Happy Mother’s Day!